deletedMAN

maybe i'm schizotypal, haha that would be funny. honestly, I would not want to live my life in a psychiatric hospital, I once thought "what if I'm really crazy, and I'll rot in a psychiatric hospital" but threw it away, because there was no evidence and reason for this
I don't know what would make me happy. I'm just waiting for the moment when I realize that "HOORAY I FOUND HAPPINESS"
when my life has meaning, it will be cool.but why is it needed at all? life is meaningless in its own way, and this is a feature, not a bug
I only blindly understand that I want a change of scenery, a change of city, a change of everything that surrounds me except what is dear to me
but I don't think it will make me happy, it will make me better, but it won't make me happier
maybe he will, I just don't understand what happiness is
I didn't see it, I didn't feel it. for me, this is a mythical thing that will make everyone and everything better
Feeling happiness is cool, but how do you feel it when you don't know what it is?. maybe I missed some important stage of childhood development, maybe I'm just so pessimistic
when I was born in such a gray, creepy city. it is not surprising that everything is perceived under the prism of pessimism
I would like to live life again ... from scratch
no problems with parents in childhood, no life in a gray melancholic city. but it won't be me, will it? but what am I worth, that losing me is terrible?
I do not know
and no one knows, I do not feel my own importance, I am an ordinary person
and it's absolutely true
I'm not the navel of the earth, not a god, not some important person with a bunch of fans who love you
I'm an ordinary nobody that nobody knows
many people on the planet do not even know about me, and when I die, they will quickly forget about me
a person dies twice, the first time - physically, the second time - when they forget about him
eh